BEARD ELXIRS

Ohio Valley Beard Supply proudly presents its premiere line of quality Beard Elixirs. Handcrafted with only the finest of oils, our Elixirs are quite potent, my friend. Applying a mere two or three drops per inch of beard length will assure that your facial forest is well scented (or unscented), soft, moisturized, shapely and composed, all while emitting an alluring otherworldly glow. Side effects may include: increased charisma, severe bouts of awesomeness and extreme nuzzles from your significant other.
 

 

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Old Man Winter is on his way; prepare yourself with this limited edition special blend created in his honor. It is specially formulated to imbue your spectacular chin scarf with the extra moisturizing you need to remain abundantly nuzzleable on all those cold nights to come.

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When fighting for the common man, it’s hard to find time for proper beard maintenance. This bottle of Marx Beard Elixir will organize your facial fur into a finely groomed force for the people. You will look so good that you might be mistaken for a member of the bourgeoisie.

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Do you want to appear like you can appreciate The Old Man and the Sea, without looking like you have been lost at sea? This bottle of Hemingway Beard Elixir is a complex yet balanced concoction that will provide you with an air of erudite, while maintaining every bit of your authenticity.

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It may be true that our ancestors were indeed covered in fur, but do not despair. Our beards are no throwback, but a trait that endures in only the fittest males of our species. So let this Darwin Beard Elixir remind you though our primate progenitors could grow more, we have evolved to grow it better.

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Four inches and seven weeks ago, your follicles brought forth on your face a new beard, conceived in November, and dedicated to the proclamation that all great beards must grow free. This Lincoln Beard Elixir will help you realize this dream, while preventing any civil wars on the home front.

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You don’t have to be a counterculture revolutionary of the written word to possess a beard like one of the best of the beats. This Ginsberg Beard Elixir will assure that when you challenge the sensibilities of the general populace, it won’t be because of poor grooming.

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Is your greatest obsession to obtain the perfect beard? Does every prickly strand feel like a mark against your merit as a man? This Melville Beard Elixir will ensure that you don’t have to sail to the ends of the earth, or sacrifice your favorite leg, to attain peace with your manly mane. 

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